Heart's Sonata; Confusion, there's nothing new.
by foxyboy
Summary: Okay hotshot, you think you're the biggest Digi-Yaoi fan there is? I'm betting that not even YOU can solve this fanfic! If you can guess the couple, I just might give you a prize... It's rated PG-13 cause of the yaoi nature of the fic and slight swearing,


  
Heart's Sonata  
  
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Okay, I don't think I should be warning you guys again but it's required. This fic is going to be CONFUSING! I meant for it to be confusing and therefore, if you don't understand, please feel free to know that you're not alone. No one will be able to solve the puzzle that is the Heart's Sonata!  
  
Is it set in Digimon 01 or 02? Who are the characters and what is the pair up? If you're thinking that this is Yamachi, it is not. If you think this is Tasuke, you're far off. If you think it's Kensuke, you're wrong. Or maybe you're right? Just read on... I'm betting that you'll never find out who are the people in this fanfic! Bwaa huaa huaa! And if you see any symbol like this: [ * * * ], you can guess that it's now being told from a different POV.  
  
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"Sit down."  
  
It's been a while since I've even taken the time to talk to him.   
  
So long... And yet, why do I feel like I don't want to start this converstaion? This person that I've always felt like loving for the rest of my life?   
  
It's in those eyes. Those beautiful eyes... His large, sweet, energetic eyes... that I don't seem to remember anymore.  
  
I sit and then he follows. I look at him, he does not. Now I can't see his eyes anymore because he won't let me.  
  
"I don't know how to tell you this and I definitely don't know how to react... I mean, it happened so fast... I... I..." He stutters, his hands tugging away at his mop of hair, trying weakly to keep his frustration under control.  
  
Get to the point, boy. For some reason, all I want to say to you is that I don't have all day to be mothering you.  
  
God, what was I thinking? First I was so happy that he took the time to talk to me after such a long time, and now I want him to go away?   
  
"Take it easy, you don't have to act so panicky." I'm lying, he probably has every right to act this way. He is talking to me, afterall. He never talks to me... At least, not since the two of them began to grow closer to one another.  
  
How far away was I already? Pushed to the sides and left alone, already forgotten from all the days of loneliness. And now, how close were they? So close... Almost one.. Probably they were already...  
  
"Thank you." He tells me, still not looking up from the floor. "Thank you for being there whenever I needed you. Thanks for listening..." He says over and over again, his voice weak, almost as if he doesn't even want me to hear.   
  
"You see..." His voice trails off and slowly, silence yet again.  
  
* * *  
  
I don't know how to think anymore. My world's gone crazy ever since that day between us both. That one day when I think things changed, for better or worse.  
  
I can't explain this feeling nor can I even try to relive it mentally. It just came there and left, only leaving this irritatingly vague memory that won't go away, nor won't complete itself no matter how hard you attempt to piece together all the events.  
  
Accidentally, our eyes met. Slowly, my heart began it's sonata for this person that I think was whom I would stay with together. Seeimgly indefinite, that's how long time began to rest when I felt his hand on my arm. When we tumbled down to the floor by accident...  
  
When his breath was so close that I began to breathe it in myself.  
  
A small pulsation, like that of a baby's heart. So weak, nearly disappearing amidst everything else but not quite. It was there, that small pulse. That pulse that I think only we felt...  
  
Nothing else seemed to matter. The world seemed like a void with us in the center of it all. There was no one and nothing other than our two bodies, unwillingly placed in a situation that might never happen ever again in this lifetime or the next.   
  
Eyes that were swimming in one anothers. Fingers that brushed like feathers against skin. Breath that felt so hot against my face yet felt so much like that of an angel...  
  
My heart sang and I believe that his did too.  
  
An then, almost as if directed by some ethereal force, both of our faces moved closer and our lips touched.   
  
We kissed. We were one in a strange sense.  
  
That's when I knew that this world was never going to be the same. My heart continue to sing in an eerie, gothic way.  
  
Why did that kiss feel so... wrong?  
  
* * *  
  
I couldn't move a muscle.  
  
I couldn't think straight.  
  
I couldn't even feel the presence of thought.  
  
I was in an empty space, floating alone and without consciousness. This must be how it feels to see yourself dead...  
  
"W, what?" I asked, the only word that was inside my head at the moment. What seemed to me like what my entire universe was composed of.  
  
It was a big, fat what. What was my world now? It was, in my thougts, nothing more than the proverbial piece of bullshit.  
  
"He kissed me." Those words cut in through me better than anything else, physical or emotional. Those three words, they made me feel disgusted with myself... Thoroughly disgusted at myself, and at him...  
  
How could he do that to the one that I loved? How could he, a boy that I know off and would never expect, kiss the man that I loved?  
  
(God damn stupid woman!) I mentally called myself. It was probably my fault that this all happened. I never told him I love him yet I knew that was what I felt. I never tried to show him my love, yet that's what I always wanted to do. I always longed to be the first to take his lips...  
  
I'm a fucking stupid girl. So stupid, so god damn stupid!  
  
"How could he? I mean..."  
  
I ask myself repeatedly. How could he?  
  
* * *  
  
I'm alone here, probably for the rest of my life as well.   
  
I never knew that the sky was so beautiful...  
  
I never knew that so many small things were so amazing...  
  
I never knew that love was a bad thing.  
  
Admittedly, that was probably the worst thing that I could have done, ever. Nothing and no one would be able to top what I just did.  
  
That's another item to add to my long list of idiotic things that I've decorated my life with.  
  
Everything was like a blur to me now and nothing seems to be the way it was. Everything's so different now...  
  
Have you ever tried using your other hand to write? The same hand that you've never used in your entire life? Doesn't it feel awkward the way you have to adapt to something that is the exact opposite of what you've been used to?  
  
Before, there were people that cared for me. There were times when I thought that my friends would never leave me no matter what I did. That time, now long forgotten. That time, when we could still laugh and joke around.  
  
No more jokes. No more laughs. No more smiles.  
  
No more of him. He wasn't going to be there to liven up my day. His crazy antics, those times when I thought that he had a head filled with only space.  
  
And a heart filled with me.  
  
I kissed him, there's no denying that I did that. But... I thought that it was the right thing to do... I thought that it was the only thing to do.  
  
A pulse... I felt it, like something calling me out to embrace him and love him in ways that I never thought I could. A small pulse, so faint and almost lost within the sounds of my heart.  
  
My heart was singing and I could feel that his was as well. I could hear voices, voices like that of angels everywhere inside me and around...  
  
And then it stopped when I did that one small, insignificant movement.  
  
There was no more singing and all that remained was a silence and a pang in my heart. A strong, throbbing pain in my chest demanding that I go away despite the fact that I knew I wanted him. That I wanted to hold him close, forever more...  
  
All I'm holding now are the freshly wrinkled legs of my trousers.  
  
* * *  
  
I don't know if I'm gay for wanting him to come back. I don't know if all I'm doing is merely denying the fact that I'm in love with him by seeking solace in the arms of this girl that I knew loved me more than she loved herself.  
  
I knew that she loved me but I never said anything. I thought that maybe we weren't made for one another. Maybe we just didn't have the proper chemistry. Maybe I just...  
  
Didn't want to have a girl?  
  
There was always this doubt in me when it comes to relationships. I wasn't sure whether I liked the person or not. As if there was nothing going on in my mind that even hinted at romance.  
  
But whenever he was around...  
  
"Do... Do you like him...?" She quietly asks me, her voice filled with tears and choking. Do I? Do I really love him? Was there this one part of me that just seeme to tick when I thought of him with me?  
  
"I... I don't know." That was probably the best answer that I could ever give... I didn't know... And that was pretty much the truth... Perhaps, the only truth.  
  
I sure wish he were here...  
  
I sure wish that there was some way that I could ease his pain...  
  
Or he ease mine.  
  
There it is again... That infernal singing.  
  
- - - Owari - - -  
  
What do you guys think? Did I thoroughly freak you out or send you nuts thinking of who the characters are? Good... Very good... Please review this! I know it's short but if I extend it, you people might just figure it out! If the ending wasn't what you had in mind, well... And please! Asmuch as possible, please REVIEW this, not just guess who the characters are! If you do that, then I won't feel like telling you! I can't take it anymore!!! If you think that this fic was insanelyhard to understand, guess how hard it is to write something that doesn't even mention a singlename!  
  
  



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